I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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