My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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