god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
