forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
