WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
