i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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