All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
