I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize