Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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