Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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