then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
