Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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