Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize