It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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