Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
