If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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