I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
