I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
