boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
