Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
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