i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
