**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
