how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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