Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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