does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
the day after is always just damage control
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
