dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
