I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
