Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
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Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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