thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
