Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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