just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
