farters have to be the big spoon...
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
