I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
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