Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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