i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
