mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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