I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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