Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
