wanna go halves on a baby?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
