you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
