Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
