its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
