Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
