By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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