Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
i think my cat just said my name.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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