i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
