Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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