i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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