Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
