Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
