BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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