Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
