We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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