Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize