My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
