I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
