he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize