Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
my being single is dangerous.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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