"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
